remember,
i will still be here,
as long as you hold me,
in your memory.

remember,
when your dreams have ended,
time can be transcended,
just remember me.

i am the one star that keeps burning, so brightly,
it is the last light to fade into the rising sun.
i’m with you whenever you tell me my story,
for i… am all i’ve done.

remember,
i will still be here,
as long as you hold me,
in your memory.
remember me.

i am the one voice in the cold wind, that whispers,
and if you listen, you’ll hear me call across the sky.
as long as i still can reach out and touch you,
that i… will never die.

remember,
i’ll never leave you
if you were lonely,
remember me.

remember,
i will still be here,
as long as you hold me,
in your memory.

remember,
when your dreams have ended,
time can be transcended,
i live forever.

the letter wrote this:
interviews for local candidates will be held on tuesday, 2 may 06 from 9 am onwards. local candidates who have been shortlisted for the interviews will have their names and interview timings posted on this website on sunday, 30 apr 06 from 11.59 pm onwards. some candidates would be required to attent the interview on sunday 30 apr 06 in two sessions: 9.30 am and at 2.30 pm. these candidates would be notified separately via email on 25 apr 06.

guess what? i panicked. something was not right.. i thought all along my interview’s scheduled on the 2nd but i could have misinterpreted. then i recalled back the past few days i checked my mail everyday but still no email from nus - that could have

meant that my interview shouldn’t be on sunday and should still be  on tuesday. but i was still worried..

outside the room still waiting, i called home to ask brother to get my application letter and guess what.. the email add i submitted to nus was of another account!! NO WONDER I DIDN’T GET ANY MAIL. fuck!! and of all times, the webmail server has to come down!.. just my luck.. i couldn’t even be sure if i might have missed my interview or if i was right in assuming my interview’s scheduled on the 2nd.. damn it. and THAT thought has to come only at this time a few mins before the test.. fuck.. so never mind, interview aside, already saddened but still forced myself to get back to where i was - take the test!

aptitude test.
ok, so i went in, received the paper, and read the questions..
THERE..right at that moment..i felt so uneasy. i felt like giving up. i couldn’t do questions like these for nuts sake! the questions
weren’t tough but still i couldn’t manage them. i understood every word but.. sigh.. it was a torturous 2 hrs. i looked up, looked left (my right was a wall :s), looked down back onto my paper, stared hard at the questions, mind blank, held my pencil, making air scribbles but nothing came out.. that moment has got to suck seriously.

qn 1 was designed to test my abilities to be creative and build a model. it went like.. ok, blahblah, crap about thinking out of the box, and re-thinking again to challenge creativity blahblah, then design a 3-dimensional model, making use of the white, orange and black A4 construction sheets given, that best explores the two ideas of “rhythm” and “contrast”. WTF u say? i say WTF too.. but ultimately, i tried to construct something that looks like a blossoming flower, with black and white petals of different heights (hopefully it illustrated rhythm) and a huge orange petal in the middle, glued to the other petals (this probably i hope, demonstrated contrast). i found my work pretty ok.

last night i didn’t sleep well either. i’m anxious and worried, not for the test or the interview, but for the whole idea of reading architecture. yes if i manage to study architecture, that’s something i’d be proud of and so would my parents, but my concerns lie also, in areas of managing the cirriculum and stress (which i’ll comment on later) and more importantly future prospects and drawing which i fucking suck at.

cirriculum & stress. i know i can take stress well, just like many other students in singapore. and i know how hectic jc life was for some of us who took the As. yet how ironic it has to become for students who were once from ex-SAP and top jc’s face difficulties in their term of study and dropped out as a result? and i find this a pity. i’m sure they chionged all the way and did not give up during the jc years, and if they could then, why not now in archi? it must be sth (i believe it’s the workload and pressure from tutors) that had taken the toll on and triggered these students to quit, without thinking twice. they just gave up! i’ve wasted 2 years in ns, 2 extra years in poly compared to my jc frens, and i have no more time to waste! i CANNOT afford think about restarting a new course..

drawing. ’nuff said. my tree looks like a fucking retarded genie green cloud with a brown trunk that never will look like a trunk. -_-.

singapore’s architecture imo. tee guan’s sis’s bf commented that archis are one of the lowest paid jobs in the industry. (btw he’s in 4th year!!) even if no one tells me, i’d have longed knew - singapore’s architecture scene lacks support from the majority like honestly, how many of us actually appreciate the architecture of a building? an icon? say.. merlion? or even the esplanade? read the HORRIBLE critics people gave on it. secondly, there’s no ‘character’ in the buildings that singapore architects design, imo. ’if it looks classy, sleek, urban, ok the building is ready to go”. take the new cathay for instance. not to be offensive, but i think the outlook of it is fucked up. as i’ve said.. no ‘character’. and architects should wander off to places like scotland, egypt and europe where architecture is truly rich! and what i mean by character is.. the buildings in these exotic places have their own unique designs, like of missionary styles, colonial styles, geogorian building structures.. they have columns, platforms that deserve admiration and awe; they have so many things there that an architect can make his time worth. if you’ve been to see the colours and beauty of the town structures in other countries, you go Oh wow.. back home i can only look at the esplanade and go.. “eeee cheh!” ok i do give a bit credit, but come on you know what i’m trying to say..

future prospects. eventually even architect graduates are one of the lowest paid jobs in the industry according to sg wage stats or straits times. the fact that i’m paying so much, getting cranky everyday in design studios for dunnoe how many years, drawing for the sake of drawing -_- and increasingly becoming so T-off and such a whiny bitch cos i’m jealous my friends can spend their weekends outside shopping and me dunking in art in the studios in weekends, is not AT ALL acceptable by most architects because they’re compensated with peanut dollars! it’s not the ‘right treatment’ i’d say, but what to do, arki scene is dying in singapore or has died for that matter. unless u’re a crazy god in architecture, by all means, smile when people approach you for million-dollar projects. and i’ve read from somewhere that.. a degree in architecture is not really enough; at most u can only be a assistant architect, junior architect or drafter at a firm. excel to master’s, get at least 2 years of experience and head for the BOA test, only then can you be a qualified professional architect to start a firm or watever you like to do ahead. and by then, i’m a old whiny 30-32 yo.

but i guess it isn’t that bad after all. if there’s software i can work on or IT design that i can develop in, it’s something which i like and will do my best in! and if there are things like interior designing or urban planing where geography comes into use, then this is where i’d most likely be whining lesser lol. sometimes i just have to accept the fact that yes though these are things that i like, and in order to accomplish something in architecture, i just have to learn the technicalities and the drawing part.. that’s my fear.. i have only designing flare. i draw shit.

special thanks to stanley and his friend and tee guan’s sis’s bf for giving me a bit more insight into architecture. i guess you’re right hon i shd take the test and the interview and see how things get along later…

and leicester, i’ll miss your bubbly presence and loudly-engineered guffawing. take care buddy and all the best to you in thailand! and wth.. thai airways has no postcards?! chey! lousy.. LOL.

abt timmy and his personal email he wrote to me, i’ve given him an answer. straightforward.

ok.. think i’ shall stop here, i need to go get some stationery for my test. wish me luck!! yeah… my portfolio is almost completed..

i know i can’t totally believe what people say in online forums. yea you may say they could be the worst lot of students in arki or procrastinators and they whine for even the slightest simplest task they’re asked to do. but no.. these people that are reading arki are high flyers from their JCs, with 3As 1B, etc and these people have got what it takes to enter into nus and read arki, one of the top 3 or 4 hardest courses to enter, so have many people claimed. they gave comments like.. there are no more mugging and memorising and there are only a few exams to take; arki students are always the first to complete their exams; some sems go without exams blahblah.. (it’s a good thing though LOL).. on the downside.. they said arki equals to a ridiculous amount of work. classmates stay overnight in the studio almost every weekend, including sundays and when submission deadlines loom, staying over for 3 consec. nights is not uncommon! oh GAWD.. materials for models and projects are at my own expense.. cost? some hitting way beyond the hundreds, some crossing the thousand mark. -______-. wth…

one of the forum writers wrote that the course is tough but fun.. like making models, getting your designs slammed or praised by tutors, staying overnights together in the hot and stuffy studios on sundays near submissions.. and macdonalds for every meal!!

and if forum writers exaggerate..

i came across some blogs this afternoon in office and have seen comments like..
“i haven’t seen my parents for a month.. i haven’t seen my significant one for a year.. i haven’t had a non-macdonald’s meal for a week.. i haven’t bathe in 20 hours..”
“i can’t go home for the next 2 weeks.. i miss the soup my mum cooks.. i used to be a happy eating macdonald’s.. i loved happy meals.. i have too many toys now..”

O
M
G…

remember the tsunami crisis that shocked the world?
yep.. one of the architecture projects was to design a tsunami memorial which can house an activity space of yours and a memorial space etc.. 4 to 6 weeks to think and design and present study models and give a presentation every week to your tutor.. tutor gets mean though constructive, nevertheless you cry.. and at the end of 6 weeks, you need to finalise your design and come up with the required drawings and model..

for GOODNESS sake, i can’t even draw a chair, let alone a bridge.. a MEMORIAL.. /piangz.

the aptitude test and interview are round the corner.. and thankfully i have enough time to prepare.. i’ll prob be heading down to the library this sat to read up on arki and get blank papers to draw.. my parents were quite worried about my decision, but sometimes it just gives me this.. inner boost of courage.. to take architecture.. One, for my parents can at least tell their friends and our relatives i’ve not disappointed my parents and my decision. Two, for i can be happy i’m studying a professional course in a prestigious school..

i’m telling myself to try my best and ace the test and interview cos there is only 1 opportunity.. and for now.. this is all that matters..

turned right into da silva lane and all i could see was construction going on and brickhouses that were as old as 30 years. then this pine tree caught my attention so i walked towards it and ta da! it was ben’s house. the pine tree was rooted in his garden-turned-jungle. as to how you guys would have thought i could manage to find ben’s house, it’s simply because of the superb mapping abilities and acute sense of direction that i possess. no question ’bout it lol. and no, i didn’t call cindy -_-.

ben’s lucky to experience spacious living, though 75% of his house/room was untidy; too many things around kinda crammed the living space. his room’s an utter mess. now that recalled an incident a couple of weeks ago (he was vacationing in australia) how we were all disgusted when he left his underwear hanging lopsidedly over at my cubicle divider. (i held it with my pinky and dropped it on his floor and covered it with a piece of paper eww!!!.) what a fella!!

so anyway back to where we were.. i brought a few PS1 and Ps2 games over but unfortunately some of them couldn’t work on his PS2 set.. wonder if his was mod. we played for a while until more guests arrived and we started barbecuing. there were yummy chicken wings, salad, soft drinks & vodka, beef, pork, franks and sting rays! and i liked his charboil flame griller set, where you can just ditch the charcoal and flame starters to avoid unnecessary mess and hassle. and jeff exclaimed at the end of the bbq session, how it was the healthiest bbq he has ever had. of cos!!

present: ben, stanley, jeff, jiahao, desmond, leicester, kok wei, anthony and me.
there shd have been more highlights like satay, otah, prawns, marshmellows, black-peppered chicken, nasi lemak blah blah. LOL. just kddin.. what really mattered was the company right?..

wonderful and not so wonderful moments of the week:
- WKK slapped me on my thigh during Life! -_-.
- me and timmy punched the same car coupon numbers -_-.
- i ate and ate at my cousin’s birthday last weekend like nobody’s business (sadly i’d forgotten my cam fone that day).
- banged my toe against my bed frame yesterday (it still hurts now).
- cindy qia me to bah ku teh at this famous stall in thomson area. (we joined the other superiors and i casually commented how the upper generations really love such traditional delicacies and they replied that this was a luxury product during their time. and we the younger ones could only appreciate the ‘higher class’ international cuisines and cafes). personally i think it’s true to certain extent.
- i’m shortlisted for nus architecture!

things to do!
- prepare a portfolio (i’m thinking of adding ehms to best capture my interest in design specifically)
- do my minutes -___________________-. sianzz.
- read up on architecture books to get an idea of what i’m expected to know in case i’m asked at the interview.
- shall officially commence my “after ORD dinner i will start” resolution as stanley has “conveniently” reminded me of.

so i called nus to check if my application outcome is out. the operator was polite and she said that everyone’s calling her to ask her ’bout it; not that she felt irritated by it, but she just wants us, the applicants, to wait a lil’ while longer while the department processes the documents. i’ll only know if i’m shortlisted for the arch. interview by this week, if not latest, next.

have been sleeping rather early these days (sacked out at 9 yesterday). this is probably good so cos i can concentrate better at work the next day (yes, i am soO not risking getting extras from big boss and i do not wish to.. ~_~). and for sleeping too early, my stomach growls even louder in the morning. even the weighty consumption of junkness in the morning at work doesn’t give tummy satisfaction. i need more!! uh oh.. there goes jeff again.. reminding me of the bet @_@. where’s the rah-rah motivation of losing pounds i once had gone to? hmmm.

anyways, preparing for my june’s ehm’s topic of the haze phenomenon, i inadvertently came across “a song” that takes the familiar melody of elton’s ever popular hit, candle in the wind but this fella twisted the lyrics. it’s quite funnie

“haze in the wind”
goodbye clear blue sky,
though we never see you anymore,
we hope you’ve not forgotten,
to come back to ___ (your country).
the fires won’t stop burning,
and no matter how hard we try,
it seems we’re edging closer,
towards one thousand PSI.

and it seems to me you lived your life,
like a candle in the wind.
never staying a moment longer,
when the haze set in.
and your memory will always haunt us,
when the CD sirens wail.
your candles burned out long before,
our lungs completely fail…

oh great.. new arrows.. back to work!!

this kind of music helps especially if you need to get away from busy life or destress. get your aromatherapy set, switch off your room lights and light up your candles, tell the world to leave you alone, get into the orangy mood, settle yourself in a comfortable spot and get it on with enigma..

tracklist:
1. opening my eyes
2. in the recent past
3. the delta of the red river (i love this!)
4. northern horizon
5. the 5th column (hard to forget this one!)
6. silent heroes (one of my favourites)
7. reachers of civilisation (this is my 2nd favourite) 
8. punta del este
9. farewell to the moon (my best favourite!!)

…
the sun is rising, the sun is rising,
farewell to the moon, farewell to the moon..
…

10. slowly walking in
11. polar lights
12. closing my eyes
13. lifesign

and if you think carl’s was filling enough, some of us bought MORE finger food & other groceries at carrefour. ok, so we ended up buying at the end of the day, 90 eggs, a few pastries, 4 whole chickens, 1 chicken breast, mineral water, 2 bags of grapes, 1 bag of apples for k.w., and 2 packets of ruffles for me courtesy of jiahao! so sweet. LOL. i was quite stunned.

thereafter, we decided to catch a movie - ice age 2 @ 5.30 pm slot. so we had 2 plus hours to rot. leicester yearned to hit the arcade and so we followed. OMG i tell you, he’s freakin’ AMAZING at the para para dance moves! we stood around the machine, jaw-dropped. and then i explored the other machines and something caught my eye.. PUZZLE FIGHTER TURBO! LOL. and yeah, you noe eventually how the hours got by. i completed 2 arcade rounds (i.e. all the way to akuma and won him!) and i had strangers lookin’ at me play and jiahao was telling me that apparently, they had coins in their hands but no one dared to challenge me. LOL. wat to do.. too pro already! WOOT!

ice age 2 was fantastic!! a pity if you haven’t watched it! ‘’)

1. Unknown - Covering from Head to toe.
You may appear real macho in public, but deep down inside you are shy and weak. You tend to keep loads of secrets. If you encounter any problem, you will rather keep it to yourself and agonise over it than ask for help. No wonder you grimace in your sleep.

2. Back sleeper with Arms crossed to support The head.
You are highly intelligent and enthusiastic to learn. yet sometimes you are filled with cranky ideas which people find hard to follow. You take good care of your family, but the problem is you hardly love anybody. A little bit choosy, huh?

3. Home Alone - Back sleeper with legs crossed.
Anyone who sleeps cross-legged is said to be self-obsessed and finds difficulty in accepting changes. Solitude is your priority. Yet , your redeeming quality is your threshold for tolerance.

4. Unknown cuddled up:
You feel lonely and depressed because you are obsessed with your past failures and set backs. You are hesitant and indecisive, giving others an impression thatLove has been missing in your life.

5. Side sleeper, curling up:
Selfish, jealous and vindicative are words that describe you. People around you got to be careful not to step on your toes as you are easily irritated!

6. Side sleeper with one knee bended:
You are inclined to be fussy, always whining and complaining. Nervousness is probably your second name. You tense up easily and get overly excited over small matters. Life isn’t such a big deal. Learn to relax.

7. Side sleeper lying on one arm:
Contrary to the previous one(curling up), you are gentle, polite, sincere and loving. Well, nothing is perfect. Build up your self confidence and learn to accept mistakes or perfection. Happines will come your way.

8. Side sleeper lying on one side:
This posture indicates that you are a confident person. You will see success in whatever you undertake, owing to your unrelentless endeavour. People who sleep on their right side with their right arm stretching over their head and lying on the right side are said to be blessed with power and fortune.

9. Back sleeper with arms and legs spread out:
What a liberty loving-soul! This posture reveals your true identity. Confort lover and beauty-worshiper, you are also a real spend thrift(but luckily you earn just as much). Your other undesirable traitis that you are a bit nosy and seem to enjoy gossiping. Well, who did you mention in your tales?

SMM canteen has never been the same again wahaha!! you see, jeff was taking away food for leicester and ben at lunch hour and me and jh accompanied him together with desmond and ah long who were there before us. can’t remember how the whole thing started but ah long, being always hungry (-_-), wanted to grab some banana balls from the muslim stall. now you see, after more than a year, i have never heard of my canteen selling banana balls, or rather i think i’ve seen them before but probably thought those were sweet potato balls or gooey thick yam balls or sth.. hey don’t get me wrong here, i absolutely love them but i don’t usually crave for such during office hours. i told jiahao i haven’t tried any of the banana balls and immediately, he replied ‘ah nvm, i give you a treat’ haha! so i bought 3 and pop one ball (the whole thing) into my mouth as suggested by desmond. and then.. it was HEAVEN! OH MY GAWD..

literally addicted. one ball after another. mmm.. and another.. total of 9! lol! ah long bought 12, jiahao bought another 5 and the vendor has to make another batch of banana balls to cater to our huge appetites! haha! conclusion: banana balls rox! and it gives me another banana-ristic reason to hit the canteen every day! LOL.

Top Story Two: 21-yo weighing 97 kilos faced pressure by office mates and decided to start on his routine regime of running, singing & swimming.

running - totalling 10 rounds for the past week!
singing - intensive opera and scales training to give my body a full workout; to let heart pump faster, and body sweat.
swimming - for toning and building up on my stamina; accumulated a total of 16 lengths with 20 mins of tanning. nope tanning doesn’t help tone and build stamina, i just did it cos of good sun & anthony had tanning lotion LOL.

weight as of friday was 95.5 kg, a decrease of 1.5 kg. then again could vincent be right? i’m actually losing water only. oh well~ whatever it is, i know i’m ‘healthier’ and this gives me more motivation to keep it up. losing weight is secondary, what matters is right mentality, strict discipline, and constant reminding. and with the support i get from timmy, fammy and friends ard me, all the more i should keep on going.. and of cos the bet that gave me the drive LOL.

few days and my weight remains stagnant at 97, no increase or decrease, now that remains good news or.. o.k no news -_-. 5 kg of fats to fucking lose in 90 days! not a pleasant bet, and i think i may screw it up. kok wei has decided to join the mob for noon gym sessions, stanley embarrasses himself in public gyms (at least he made the effort!), even anthony who started swimming a few years back gets himself disciplined to hit 10 laps these days. & me, not an avid sports player, but of a fat tooty non-stop hogger who hogs and hogs and does so much work in office and complains of the stench and the stuffy air in the morning, won’t feel at all paiseh or bothered. shit. it only takes NOW for me to realise how procrastinative i am and the people around me who care for me and my health. their remarks are heart-hitting at times, but i know they are doing me good when they hid food or when timmy tried to stop patrick from offering me junk but failed and sighed.. sorry..

from next week, or rather from hon’s 11th apr ord dinner onwards, i’ll try my best to work towards my aim of shedding the kilos. i have sorta found solutions to my hourly-hunger, but ultimately i would need people to push me along, to guide me in my perseverance. and more importantly, discipline.

about bitching. not a very nice thing to do but sometimes effective for me to let go steam. i was doing my work this afternoon (my ehm -_-) and was hit on the head by something hard and of cos it was painful! at first i thought it was an accident or sth. not until i stood up instantly and that fucker X was standing in his cubicle. knowing that i’m not someone who won’t get angry easily (you’re damn fucking wrong!), he said sorrie in like what.. some joking manner or sth?! my anger is not appeased and neither am i accepting any of his apologies, not even if he says it a thousand times (as if he would).. fuck off. if i haven’t been all along a  ‘forgive and forget’ person who don’t bear grudges, i would hell create trouble for him. but no, i prefer harmony as anuar had put it. and if you’re wondering what i got hit by.. it was a rubberband that X has tried to ’shoot’ while playing with the guy in his left cubicle. how gay. he jolly knew well the hints i’ve been giving him of how detestful he is and oh gawd thankfully it’s my head; i’ll see how he explains if it was a pair of scissors or hard indiarubber that hits my eye. useless bozo.

i kinda start feeling that i need to do more things at current, aside from my ehm which i’m basically facing it everyday -_-, like..

1) learning how to cook pasta (spaghetti) and soups. (the fact that i’m actually spending tens of dollars eating italian cuisines i craved for every week!)
2) reading up and improving my english.
3) pampering myself with a homemade facial (i’ve got the recipe for a cu-cumbersome facial spa lol)
4) slimming down (if it’s successful i shall reveal my secrets. during my hunger pangs in office, observe me closely with a new selection of light hearty food in replacement of the current junk food like fish cracker balls @_@).
5) jogging & running, swimming if time permits during office hours. maybe i’ll start a regime.
6) and more to add if i can think of any. heh.

on train commuters. for once please.. i beg your kind gesture to not BLOCK THE DOOR ENTRANCE!! you know how annoying it gets when i’m trying to get my way out (squeezing and getting my bag stuck in between asses behind me)? and after my dinner in camp and waiting for the rain to subside (it was getting late), who would have expected that the train gets even more crowded?! bummer. thank gawd i have 8 days to kill my boredom and to control my bursts of pissing offs. this kind of attitude is not seen in other countries that i know of; singaporeans have become like this as a result of the being kiasu and kiasi.

and maybe i should watch my spending habits. my expenditure has gone way beyond my budget for this month @_@. thanks to the many birthday gifts i bought, crap and junk i ate, and endless hogging sessions with guojie lol. shoots!

to jh: hey let’s do some running with tan im soon lol.
to jeff: don’t belittle me! i’ll do it lol.
to leicester: no kiddin’. you do have mariah-esque D+ cup-sized breasts.
to hon: thanks for the good selection of chinese songs for me to usher into the night when i sleep.
to rob: forgive me for not answering your calls. they’re precious to me but you called at the wrong time and i don’t have the infrastructure to call you downunder.