A friendship I could give up..

A quick day it seems.. I’ve ran 5 rounds non-stop today, which was 2 less than last week. I had wanted to go for more rounds but Leicester was calling it a day and I feel bored running alone, so I gave it up. Oh well~. On monday I’m gonna run again..

Not too long ago, just a few days back, I was at west coast with rob and dan and the meeting was just so painful.. at least for me. I was there.. being interrogated, being questioned and asking me on our status of our friendship. I don’t quite exactly know what they’re referring to and they said I haven’t been myself these days. I replied yes, whatever you may say… Sometimes, it’s hard to talk to them, explain some things and the entire conversation made us (me especially) feel unwasy and I couldn’t look into their eyes and talk to them. And at times, we had to get into small fits over certain trivial issues they pretty much beg to differ.. They said I’ve been ignoring them, avoiding their calls, etc.. trying to drift away..

The thing is.. I treasure friendships, but I may not be showing it explicitly or expressing myself well to know that I do cherish bonds between us. I seem to feel that they are no longer my best of friends.. And it has been quite some time I’ve been thinking about it.. It appears these days Rob and Dan are so close to each other they hit the gym together, they play together, listen to the same music, hang out together, talked over the phone like long-lost pals.. Then what about me? Am I not included into their conversations?? I feel very left out when I’m with them, even with the gang (that includes kin and shuying).. I feel that I do not belong there anymore.. Whatever I do seems to be intolerable.. whatever I do they seem unhappy. And at west coast, they were basically singing the same tune, agreeing with each other on all the things that I have done that may have disappoint them.. Fine.. no matter how I made clear to them, they don’t seem to get it.. and I’m kinda feeling I’d be like Shaun; probably the next one to get out of the gang of 5.

Right now, I’m very sure Dan and Rob are conversing happily over the phone, going out everyday.. blahblah.. and keeping me in the dark. They probably think I’m not worth the time, the friendship to do those stuffs like we used to.. And I absolutely hate when people do things for me without my consent.. And rob just did that and all he could say was.. sorry la. sorry la.. i said “no. this shouldn’t be the way. i have my own time-table, my own schedule, my personal commitments I need to attend to.. how can he just sign up for classes, for this for that without my consent?! plus those are not my interests; i’m not willing to spend a single shit on something I would never ever, in my life sign up for or get it..

for example: your friend signs you up for professional art classes (and you fucking know yourself you don’t like art) and he pays a deposit on your behalf already.. he didn’t tell you how much.. neither did he inform you beforehand.. he just DID it on your behalf.. and you have to start paying fees on your first lesson.. how would you feel? rob, my best friend did just that.. daniel wanted to learn merenguey and whatever classes.. rob, now being so close to daniel decides to join him (they two now are just like brothers, engaging in the same activities all the time, with the exclusion of me..) ok fine, whatever.. they do what they want.. i can’t really be bothered.. it just feels as if robin is trying to get daniel as his best friend and kicking me aside.. ok whatever. there wasn’t just an implication but i just feel it..

I’ll just forget about it for now..

Back to camp matters, I’m just hoping that I would not need to do Ops on Sunday haha..

Ops WO: you sunday 2 IC isit? isit isit?
Me: ya
Ops WO: (kan chiong + stammering), ok.. ook.. there’s this guy from XXX camp who just got out from DB.. he faaaarking cibai dunno do what fucking thing inside, they sending him here for duty.. on.. oon…  15th..
Me: ah huh..
Ops WO: So okok so.sOo now like this.. he has to come by 8.15 am.. if he don’t come, you have to come.. you replace him. if he don’t come, you. .can go enjoy your sundey… understand? understand (x3)? +_+
Me: Yes sir..
Ops WO: where where you stay?
Me: Jurong..
Ops WO: Faaaarking jurong..
Me: =____________=
Ops WO: how long u take to come here?
Me: 1 hr
Ops WO: .okok 9.15. BY 9.15.. You! (gave me a hard pat) come here.. you 8.15 call ops centre ask if that guy is here.. not here.. you must come.. understand? understanD?
Me: Yes sir..
Ops WO: Farrrkign cibai your shoes.. why so fucking dirty one?!! fucking hell better go kiwi your shoes.. 5 mins i wanna se.e..
Me: Orh..

hahaha..

I have so many personal commitments to do right now.. hmmz.. need to get started on them real soon.. meanwhile fammy’s going for his honeymoon so YEA.. FREE next 2 weeks LOL!! hurrah!!